Especially with
chronic illnesses we constantly hear how we need to put our health first and to
take care of oneself. So what is health composed of? When we look at the health
triangle, there are many categories of health that make up who we are including
physical health, mental/emotional health, social health and spiritual health.
Having FAVA I'm constantly struggling with my physical health and the pain that
accompanies it. However recently I've been struggling with my emotional and
social health. We all know how important
it is to address depression seriously and how dangerous it can end up being if
left untouched but physical health is just as important. So what do you do when
your physical health is pointing you to take a different direction than your
emotional health? Although we can try to accompany both regardless of which
direction we choose, in the end it seems like one is still being compromised
for the other.
Medically I'll be
needing another surgery in the near future since the cryoablation wasn't as
successful as we hoped. The mass is still hard and painful and although I know
I need to have it treated in order to control my pain levels, I know I'm not
ready to put off college another semester. I just took a year off and I don't
feel like I can handle taking another one off. My physical health tells me to
have the next surgery soon but my emotional health tells me to go back to
school and manage my pain until the summer. So I'm struggling with where this
line is between emotional health vs physical health. Neither one is more
important than the other in my opinion but one will be compromised when I make
my decision no matter how hard I try to address both simultaneously.
I find it vital to
be mindful and aware of the pro's and con's when making health decisions and to
be open to new opportunities and options in order to make a smart and
knowledgeable decision. Although I am one to act on my thoughts and not just
think about them, I tend to make my decisions based on what I want to do rather than what I should do. However this time with school, I am
being mindful of my hospital and school resources and how much effort I can
willingly give to make school happen and I am willing to take the challenge
this coming semester.
"Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting
We live and we learn to take one step at a time"
-Jordan Sparks
I spoke with Dr.
Shaikh the other day and we decided that in order to have a solid surgery plan
they will need more imaging to see what the FAVA looks like now that we are
post-cryoablation. Since I'm still experiencing significant pain daily, it is
safe to say that there definitely will be another surgery soon. I will be getting an ultrasound with a new
contrast that should show the FAVA malformations better than previous contrasts
and we will hopefully be able to see smaller, scattered malformations as well
if there is enough blood flow. In the near future they will be able to use this
same contrast in MRI's so thankfully research and technology is heading in the
right direction! We are kind of hoping that the current pain is from untreated
FAVA malformations (that was missed) so we can do the cryoablation on those in
hopes that it will be successful. If the cryoablation didn't work for the pain
on the treated FAVA's, then we are considering resection of the lesions which
will most likely be done by Dr. Spencer. For now I'm just waiting on the
ultrasound appointment which will be in early January.
The whole process on
getting the ultrasound, figuring out what to do, and later booking the
procedure is expected to take quite a bit of time. I've been extremely
frustrated with the amount of time I've already had to wait and they understand
that I'm starting to get impatient. With that said, they as well as I believe
that I'll be much happier if I can go back to college amongst this waiting time
while accompanied with a steady pain management plan. Although I am afraid of
the pain alongside college, I believe that it will be possible as long as I
remain dedicated to strengthening and stretching the hip and leg daily and
maintaining an extremely low stress level so that my pain won't get out of
control. I am 100% sure that my physical pain gets immensely worse when I'm
stressed. I believe that going back to school will help with my depression and
emotional health as long as I maintain a healthy balance between exercise,
stress management, pain management while achieving good grades. I don't expect
this to be easy but I believe that I have enough energy and dedication to give
it a try. Hopefully Boston Children's Hospital pain clinic will be able to ease
my pain without heavy medication in order to make this semester possible.
As much as I'm
worried about pushing my next surgery back until the summer, it is not a rush
to get it done. There is no way to know if the mass will grow larger or remain
the same size but that's a risk I'm willing to take. I might be in more pain by waiting but I'm not
at any other medical risk. I'm hoping that I will be able to maintain my physical
health with the resources available to me and my dedication with the exercises
I've been able to do. Where do you lie between your emotional and physical
health? Do you feel as if one is being compromised by the other at times and
how do you decide what to do? Where do you draw the line?
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| "Taking Chances" - Celine Dion |
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